Friday, July 1, 2011

Solar Eclipse and the State of My Life

Very few people really know all that’s going on in my life right now.  And even the ones that are nodding their heads right now, reading this, thinking they do, really don’t know the half of it. 

But that’s just life.  I get to a point where my misery is so much that I can’t even stand to listen to myself, so I clam up and just stop talking about anything serious.  It all becomes about trivial things.  And while that can be good, by getting my mind onto other topics, it isn’t always the best course of action, either.

What can you do?

Today’s horoscope:

Today's Solar Eclipse can be a harbinger of an energetic shift within your family. You could bury your head in the sand and be totally surprised by what happens, or you can co-create your future by living the change you seek. Start by sitting down and writing a list of resolutions, as if it is New Year's Day. Focusing your intentions during the eclipse plants significant seeds of thought in your fertile imagination.

Hmm.  Interesting idea.  A list of resolutions?  How much space do I get?  LOL  I suppose it can’t hurt to give it a shot though, can it?  Therefore, I present you with my list.  Some are short term, some are very much long term, but these are all things that I think need to be resolved eventually.

1. Find a manner of relaxing that will actually allow me to relax. 

2. Get better at planning healthy meals.  I’m pretty good at this already, but the bad meals call to me far too often these days.

3. Become financially stable.  This year has brought some serious upheaval to my already financially weak life.  I guess the good news is, it’s finally July and we’re on the back-side of the year now.

4. Move, if we have to.  If not, make the house nicer. 

5. Pending the outcome of #4, paint, get new carpet, buy some damn curtains and/or new vertical blinds.  LOL 

6. Write more.

7. Publish more.

8. Find a way to start liking myself again.  It’s been more years than I can count since I was able to look myself in the face and be content with the person I am. 

9. Get healthy.  This doesn’t necessarily mean ‘lose weight’ either.  If I get back into the weight training, I’ll probably gain a bit, but be healthier overall.  Make sense?

And the biggie:

10.  Learn to let go.  I have a few so-called friends that are more toxic than helpful and yet, I can’t let them go.  Why?  Because there isn’t anyone left to take that space.  I need to learn to be okay with the fact that I have only one or two real, true, honest-to-goodness friends.  I need to be okay with that.  Why?  Because those two friends?  They are amazing.  And when your friends are that amazing?  You don’t need any more than two.

As a side note, I have some very amazing online friends, too.  Please don’t feel slighted if you think you don’t count ‘cause you do.  All of the love, support and honesty you’ve given me over the years is irreplaceable.  The sad part of this is, the few that I’m referring to, won’t know it’s them (and/or are too modest to broadcast it LOL) and those that are of the toxic variety will immediately believe it’s them that I mean.  Gotta love that crazy Catch-22 of the Internet world, right? 

Thanks for listening/reading.  Amazingly enough, I actually do feel better than I did just an hour ago.  Thank you.


*Today’s post is brought to you by the word ‘amazing’ and all it’s variant forms.


Anne-Kathrine said...

Hey :) If it wasn't for facebook I'd be totally lost lol. I've been very bad with blogging but in my defence I need a new laptop and will get one at the end of the month woooot (been borrowing one from a friend).

Your resolutions are good ones. I got "rid" of a lot of useless friends and only keep the right ones. My online friends are awesome too :)

Lots of hugs to you. You are a good person just give yourself a chance to find yourself again :)

notjenny said...

We may not be as close as i would like but I count myself as a "close-ish aquaintance friendly type" and hope you find the closeness every girl needs, wether or not we want to admit it. And don,t you have a birthday coming up soon? I can't remember if it's a week before mine or a week after... either way love to you always!

Crazy Lady said...

AK - I so can't blame you. I completely stopped blogging for a long time - everything so so crazy in my life that it was like, "What? This again?" LOL And thanks for the support. I'm just sad I never made it back to Houston before you moved away.

NotJenny... is that you, Jen? LOL I'm soooooo confused. But anyway, yes, we all do need that closeness sometimes. It's just so hard to find these days, I think. And when you've been burned so many times, you tend to just stop looking.

As for my birthday... it was the 11th. So, you were close. *G*

Thanks to the both of you for commenting... oh, and AK - I'm hoping to have another story done soon. Cross your fingers for me!!!