Wednesday, October 29, 2008

To God: From the Dog

From your friendly, neighborhood heathen, but I couldn’t resist.  Just too much truth in all of it.

TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG



Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another?


Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?


Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a Dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so hard to rename the 'Chrysler Eagle' the 'Chrysler Beagle'?


Dear God: If a Dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him, is he still a bad Dog?


Dear God: We Dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, c lickers, beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?


Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.


Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to apologize?

_________________________________
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must remember to be a good Dog.


1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw it up.


2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like the way they smell.


3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.


4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.


5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff..


6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.


7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying 'hello'.


8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee table .


9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house - not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.


11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.


12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.


P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?

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