Thursday, July 10, 2008

Tell Me

I've been feeling really crappy lately, and have no idea why. I don't know if it's just ME having one of those weeks, or if it's something more. All I know is that I feel like I don't fit in anywhere anymore, even in places that I have been very comfortable in the recent past. Am I the one changing or is it everyone else? And what's worse is no one seems to care. Maybe I'm being left behind for a reason and they all forgot to tell me. LMAO.

But I can't help but feel like I'm a third wheel, just chugging along trying to keep up with the cool kids, ya know? And failing miserably at that.

Anyway, I wrote this to kinda help me work things out. Silly as usual, but then, where Blake's concerned, things usually are. J As for the rest of the world? Nah, I don't expect you to come to my rescue. But slowing your step and walking with me for awhile might be nice.

~TCL, having her own little private pity party, minus the packets of blood…

Tell Me

(July 10, 2008)

"Please," she whispered in his ear, lips just brushing his lobe.

"Anything, Cookie, just tell me what you need," he muttered, nuzzling her throat.

"Tell me you love me."

"What? You know I love you."

"I know, but tell me anyway. Tell me you need me, that you can't live without me. That my life here has some kind of purpose, some meaning that I'm missing because right now, I'm not so sure."

He pulled back from her neck, forcing her to look him in the eyes. "You know I need you, and I shouldn't have to tell you that. The state of this house every day when you return home ought to be more than enough proof of that." He smiled at her soft chuckle of agreement. He did have a point there. "Good, I hate when you get so serious, you scare me."

"Sorry," she muttered, cuddling against his warm chest again, avoiding his questioning gaze. "I feel so disconnected these days. Like I don't quite fit in anywhere that I used to. I know I've changed, that you and the children have forced me to change, but…"

"But?"

"But, I don't know. Did I really change that much that I don't have anything in common with anyone anymore?"

Blake wrapped his arms around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. "You fit perfectly, right here," he told her, squeezing her tightly for emphasis. "I know you need more than this, the three of us, but aren't we a good enough place to start?"

She smiled into his chest, feeling his heart pounding against her cheek. "You three are more than a good enough place to start. You're where I want to end, each and every day."

"And?"

"And what makes you think there's an 'and'?"

"Because, like buts, there's always one around."

"Quit picking on my butt."

"I'm so not falling for that."

"Now there's a first, Cowboy," she teased. "I thought you always fell for my butt?"

Blake laughed, despite himself. "Nah, but it sure does help." He kissed her forehead, smiling. "Do you feel better now?"

"Yeah, even though I still feel like I'm standing on the outside, looking in. Like I've been set in a display case for everyone to look at and talk about, but not interact with."

"I'm sorry, and I wish I knew how to help you. All I can say is that we love you, and we need you and that I most certainly couldn't go one day without you."

Ali smiled and pulled at the dark hair covering his chest. "Well, that's a given, Cowboy, but it's always good to know. Thank you."

"Anytime," he assured her. "Um, Ali?" He lightly stroked her hair, keeping her near.

"Yeah?" She muttered into his skin, reveling in the smell of his cologne.

"Wanna make me some breakfast?"

"Aaaaah!" she screamed, pushing him back, and watching in glee as he fell off the side of the bed and onto the floor.

"Ouch," he muttered, pulling a Tonka truck out from under him. "I guess that's a no then?"

"You are so smart," she quipped, turning over and pulling the covers over her head.

Blake just grinned from the floor, happy to have his Cookie back to normal.

4 comments:

CaliGirlinVegas said...

I can so relate! Just hang in there and cling to the hope that things will get better.

Redheaded Mama said...

Hang in, honey, I wub you!!!!

Robin Snodgrass said...

I know that feeling and hope that you've been able to work out of that place. It's a hard place to be - outside looking in at everything else. You know you fit with all us at TripleX! Don't ever forget that girl!

Crazy Lady said...

Thanks everyone! And yeah, Robin, TripleX is like a home away from home! LOL A twisted and warped home but yanno...