Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Why Do I Even Bother?

Have you ever asked yourself this question? I find that I've been asking myself this more and more often as the days go by.

I put 110% into everything that I do, and yet, I'm still found lacking by most. I work so hard to be the best wife, mother, sister, friend, employee, etc, that I can be and yet, it's never enough. I don't want a parade, I just want a little acknowledgement. Just a little something to show me that you've noticed that I'm here. That I'm trying.

I'm so disillusioned with everything in my life. I'm tired of being 'Mom' and doing all the work and getting none of the play time. I'm tired of being the one that everyone comes to with every little problem. Of being noticed only when someone is in need. I need to be needed, wanted, and all the rest. I need to be ME and not MOM or HONEY or EMPLOYEE. I need to be ME.

But that's not going to happen any time soon, I fear.

Add to that the fact that I've recently been handed something I don't want, and am not sure that I can handle anyway. But what do I do? I took this on, for the love of a friend, and now I'm stuck. I wouldn't feel so bad except she's the only person out there right now who can truly relate to how I feel. She wouldn't hold me to this, told me I didn't have to and even gave me the door to walk out of, but I feel like I should. Which is probably my first mistake… But I just can't help myself.

I just want out. Not out to a new life, but just out. Period.

Suppose I ought to check on dinner. No early out for me tonight.

~Your Saddened Crazy Lady


Redheaded Mama said...

Umm, I don't know what to say :(
I notice you, I love you!!!

As for the friend, if it's me, then tell me..........
I'd want to know, ya know?